


Kyra Only Knows (What I'd Be Without You)

by psychomachia



Category: Far Cry 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:17:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychomachia/pseuds/psychomachia
Summary: Ajay doesn't know who his soulmate is, but he's hoping for a nice Kyrati boy or girl who wants to save the country and looks good in leather pants.Well, he got half of that.





	Kyra Only Knows (What I'd Be Without You)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlTheAlchemist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlTheAlchemist/gifts).



It is said, in Kyrat, that if one is born with a soulmate mark, one is destined to do great things for the country. It is a gift from Kyra, given to those such as Kalinag, though none knew who his mate was. Such marks are no longer common, and indeed, it has been quite some time since one has been reported. Of course, it is rumored that the great leader, Pagan Min, has such a mark, a rumor he does not attempt to dispel.

Therefore, it is also said in Kyrat that this is a load of crap used by those in power to justify their actions and that only a fool believes in it.

“I mean, your father wasn't entirely wrong,” Mom said. “You're not automatically going to be a brilliant leader because of some mark on your skin anymore than you're going to fail because you don't have one.”

Ajay looked down at his left hand. There was the dark red stain, where one day a mark would make itself known. At first, he didn't know what he was looking at. He tried scrubbing his hand, and then worried he'd made it worse if it was a rash like what his friend Keir had.

But it turned out it was weirder than that.

When Mom first saw it, she sighed and said, “I guess there's really no way around it, is there?” Then she called him out sick and went out to buy several pairs of gloves.

He started scratching at his hand again, and looked over at his mom, who was smiling patiently. “So then it doesn't mean anything?”

“Oh, my sweet boy.” She moved one of his hands away and took the marked one into her own. “What it means is that if you want to live up to it, you have to work for it. Don't take it for granted.”

Ajay gripped her hand a little tighter. Mom never really talked a whole lot about Kyrat, but her face was really serious like he hadn't seen since his first day of school. If he said he didn't want to do anything about it, just wanted to be normal, he's wonders what she'd do.

But there was another part of him unfolding inside that was excited. Maybe it would be like being a superhero, he thought. He'd even get a partner, like Batman or... Mom, when she was with Dad.

“Hey, was Dad your soulmate?” he asked excitedly. He didn't see a mark on her hand but maybe Mom had a mark somewhere else because she was older or a girl or something like that.

She patted his hand. “I did love him very much.”

It was years later when he thought, yeah, she didn't really answer that question.

* * *

It turned out that Mom was a huge badass and kind of scary.

Because she loved him, she took it easy on him at first, which meant he got cushions under him when he was constantly knocked to the ground during his first attempts at takedowns. Sometimes, he wanted to stop but he knew what she'd say.

“If you want to save Kyrat, you can't just quit because you're tired.” It'd be kind and patient and she'd probably hug him, but it would still sting.

Mom didn't teach him how to use guns for a while, because she always said there'd be plenty of time for that, but he learned how to throw knives with terrifying accuracy and fire an arrow at a target 100 yards away. Yeah, it was a little weird. His friend got a Nintendo for his birthday. He got a recurve bow.

But he didn't just learn how to kill people (or animals, because Mom said that the wildlife of Kyrat is deeply homicidal and if you see a honey badger, you should probably run for your life).

He learned to speak Hindi, Nepalese, Cantonese, because Mom said he needed to know how to understand everyone, not just those in power. He learned about plants and which ones would totally kill you if you ate them. He learned the history of Kyrat, its religion, the whole complicated mess of mythology and politics and people using them for their own benefits.

He learned about the Golden Path and his father and the sister he once had until... well, he would have killed Dad too for that one. He learned about Pagan Min, the man who should have saved the country and apparently decided to fuck it up instead.

Mom told him all of this, preparing him, and he thought, okay, so I know what I'm walking into. Cool.

Yeah, no. Turned out there was one thing Mom didn't tell him. The most important thing.

_He was crying and he didn't know how to stop._

_Mom was furious. “I told them not to tell you,” she said. “I wanted to find the right way to let you know, but--” She stopped as his wails got louder and she got to her knees, grabbing him tightly. “Oh honey,” she said. “I didn't want you to find out this way.”_

_Ajay tried to stop crying, but he was still hiccoughing and snot was running down his nose. “So it's true? I'm going to die?”_

_“No!” She hugged him tighter._

_“But--”_

_“You're not going to die.”_

_“But I could. If they died--” The thought sent more tears running down his cheeks._

_“Which is why you're going to learn how to protect yourself. And them. So that no one dies.” She stroked his hair. “Whomever they are, you'll take care of them. And they'll care of you, I'm sure. Once they see this sweet face--”_

_He raised his puffy, red face, frowning a little, and Mom smiled. “Well, maybe not this face,” she teased, ruffling his hair a little. “But they'll love you just as much as I do.”_

_Ajay sniffled a little and then he realized something. “So does that mean that you and Dad--”_

_Mom sighed. “He wasn't my soulmate,” she said. “But we loved each other enough to have you and that's what matters.”_

_“All right.” He buried his face in Mom's arms again, calming himself down. He didn't want to think too much about it, but that night, he started praying that wherever his soulmate was, they'd be safe too._

_The next day, it was Mom who had to tell him to take a break._

* * *

“Mom?” Ajay skidded into the kitchen and dropped his backpack on the floor.

She looked at his face, then at his hand, and back up. “Did it--?”

“It came in!” He beamed. “I felt some pain in my hand and when I took my glove off...” He held his hand out.

The mark was detailed now, lines clear and unmistakable. It was a tiger, a lotus underneath.

It was sort of pretty.

And it was very fucking familiar.

“Shit,” Mom said, as she closed her eyes.

“Mom?”

She walked out of the kitchen, muttering under his breath. For the rest of the night, any time he brought the mark up, she changed the subject.

They didn't train for the rest of the week and on Saturday, Ajay walked into the kitchen to find a stack of college applications on the table.

No matter how many times he brought up Kyrat after that, Mom refused to talk about it.

* * *

“Have you considered trying to look for the mark online?” Solani said, leaning against the locker. “I mean, I know soulmarks are like super rare, but there's like forums for them.”

“I guess,” Ajay said dubiously. “I tried looking for it already but the only thing that popped up were a whole bunch of questionable tattoos.”

Jian shrugs. “Yeah, but if your mom's not going to tell you anything, you need to find out about this shit. Like she obviously knows who it belongs to.”

“I'm kind of worried.” Ajay scratched his hand. “Like how bad is it that she doesn't even want to tell me who it is?”

Solani and Jian exchanged looks. “Well,” she said, “maybe your mom just realized that training your kid to go be a freedom fighter in a country the UN won't even touch is a bad idea.”

“Keep it down,” Ajay hissed. “My guidance counselor still thinks I'm planning on going to UCLA.”

Jian laughed. “Look, man, I'll give you a break. Your mom will probably freak if she sees you do it at home, so I'll see if I can find out some shit on my computer. My parents don't care.”

“Fine,” Ajay said. “Just let me know what you find out.”

That night, he dreamed of a tiger ripping his throat out, of falling through the air onto a snow-covered mountain. At some point, he was also pretty sure that he was surrounded by a bunch of candles and a giant gold statue and was that an eagle trying to rip his scalp off? Okay.

He dreamed of soldiers marching in formation and his hands shooting them down one by one. At the end, he took his seat on a throne of bodies and watched as a field of poppies burned before him, the sky turning black with ash. He thought he was laughing.

Ajay woke up in a cold sweat and reached for the phone on his nightstand.

“What the fuck, man, it's four in the morning,” Jian whispered. “And it's a fucking Saturday.”

“Just don't bother,” Ajay said. “I don't need any more shit in my life.”

He sent in his application for UCLA the next day.

At least they have an archery team.

* * *

“Take me to Lakshmana,” Mom said, her voice so tired in his ear.

Ajay knew he was crying again, but he was old enough now to not give a shit about it. “I thought you didn't want me to go back there anymore.”

“My sweet boy.” Mom reached out her hand and he gave her the marked one as she held it in her weak grasp. “I just hoped that your life might be different. But I was wrong.”

“Mom?”

“I know you're restless. It's my fault for not letting you go. I wanted to. I prepared you. But when it actually happened...” she trailed off. “I was scared.”

He put his head down on her chest and she ran her fingers through his hair. “I was, too,” he said. He's never told her about the nightmares that started right after the mark, about the visions of blood and death that make him jolt out of the bed and pace around the room.

“I don't regret training you,” she said. “I should, but I don't.”

“It's okay.”

“And I know I have no right to ask you for another favor.”

“Mom.”

“But I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Ajay said desperately. “Anything you want.”

“You can't kill Pagan Min.”

Pagan Min, the scourge of Kyrat according to someone and the man Mom's been training him to overthrow, he guessed, though every time she talked about him, she'd get a certain look in her eyes that was way too complicated for Ajay to feel comfortable about.

“Pagan?”

“Please promise me,” she said, her hand gripping his with surprising strength. “You can't do it.”

“Okay,” he said. “I won't.”

She smiled at him. “You're such a good boy. He doesn't deserve you.”

Well, shit.

Doesn't that just fucking explain it all.

Thanks, Kyra.

* * *

So after all that shit, he went to Kyrat, his mom's urn at his side, to lay her down next to his sister (who his dad murdered, what the fuck, dad, you gigantic asshole). There were still a few logistical problems, like how the hell he was going to find where his sister was buried, get into the palace to find Pagan, and oh yeah, liberate an entire fucking country used to decades of imperialism from his soulmate, but you know, details.

Oh, well. He'd figure it out when he got there.

Then they started shooting at the bus. Great, he thought, ducking for cover. Looks like they'll get two birds with one stone. He can't wait to see how that one goes down in the history books.

And then he realized just how fucked he was by doing this. Beacuse there was Pagan Min, in all his pink-suited glory, stabbing a man to death with a pen, and all he could hear in his head was “there's the one you've been waiting for.”

Son of a bitch. No one fucking warned him that one of the problems with having a soulmate was an instant desire to want to bang them. No, the books all talked about spiritual connections and deep soul bonds and never mentioned that yeah, you might also get a very unwelcome arousal upon seeing someone wipe blood off their shoes.

“I'd recognize those eyes anywhere,” though, kind of killed that for a bit, because that's right, Mom had a daughter with this guy. No wonder she freaked out when she saw who Ajay's mate was. In the right circumstances, Ajay could have been...

Yeah, no, that thought is going to die right now, along with the guy gurgling at their feet and a whole bunch of other people apparently.

Off to a great start then.

* * *

“Ajay,” Pagan said, way too close for comfort in the helicopter, “I don't mean to push after the very hectic morning we've had today, but have you any other plans besides the terribly tragic ones we've just accomplished right now?”

He faked a casual shrug. “I mean, I don't really know that much about Kyrat,” he said. “Mom mentioned she was from here but she kind of kept a lot of it a secret.”

Pagan doesn't look surprised. “Well, it's a lovely country, give or take a few hundred vermin running around the place.” He pats the rocket launcher at his feet. “I'd tell you to give it a shot right now at taking a few more out but sadly, I believe we are out of ammunition.”

Given that he and Pagan just spent the last hour blowing up a few radio towers, some Kyrati wildlife, and a very blasted part of the countryside, he'd hope so. “Yeah, about that. Who were those guys in the palace?”

Okay. Touchy subject, Ajay thought, as Pagan's face grew dark. “The Golden Path,” he said. “They worship your father like a saint, which tells you just how deluded they are. Your mother thankfully saw the light.”

And yeah, again, don't want to be reminded of that. Ajay instinctively looked down at his hand, but it was still very much covered by the leather gloves and Pagan hadn't seemed very interested in quizzing him on that. “I guess. So what did you have in mind for us to do the rest of the day?”

Judging from the grin on Pagan's face, that was definitely the wrong question.

* * *

It turned out that you can get sick of blowing shit up, eating whatever gourmet food Pagan has extorted his chef to make, and sneaking around the palace trying to find out exactly how you're supposed to overthrow someone who doesn't really have things under control to begin with. His trusted lieutenants consist of a nervous woman he's probably blackmailed, some genial guy who talks college football with Ajay while torturing a guy, and the scariest fucking psychopath he's ever seen who apparently is Pagan's sister somehow?

It's like he's trapped in a palace of vipers, except there's a mongoose who lazily tells them to shoo anytime he sees Ajay's face getting twitchy.

“Really, they're very easy to manage once you know what they want,” Pagan said, idly twirling a pen (the murder pen, Ajay wondered, but he guessed Pagan had probably used half his office to kill someone).

“And what do they want?” Ajay asked. “Other than me dead.”

Pagan laughed. “That's just Yuma. Don't worry about it.”

Fine, Ajay thought. Number one on his list after he took over the country, besides making sure it wasn't on fire, was to find a way to get rid of her. It was a good thing she just thought he was a stupid Americanized kid, because if she knew that he understood all the shit she talked about his mom, she would have tried better to kill him a long time ago.

“Whatever,” Ajay said.

“You like the others,” Pagan said. “I know Paul thinks of you as a very charming young man. And Noore's particularly fond of you, in that replacement son kind of way.”

And yeah, that was not going to be a pleasant conversation down the road, but right then, Pagan smiled at him in that way that made all the nagging thoughts like “Am I going to wake up tomorrow in a prison cell?” and “Should I do something about that whole fighting to the death thing?” go away. Instead, he just had to come to terms with the fact that he really wanted to be fucked by a man who really wanted to give him a tiger as a “you didn't run screaming” one month anniversary gift.

He looked at Pagan, bright and happy in the sunlight, and he sighed and said, “Well, if you find my dead body tomorrow in the bed, at least you'll know who did it.”

“Oh, Ajay,” Pagan said fondly, patting him on the hand. “That's why I gave you a gun.”

* * *

Three months in, Pagan still hadn't asked him about the gloves, which was a little odd, but maybe Pagan just assumed it was another one of his weird style quirks, like wearing vests with lots of pockets or not wanting to wear very tight magenta pants.

“They'd make your ass look so good,” Pagan said, his tone wistful, but Ajay's been around him too long to get his hopes up, considering the next sentence was asking him if he really wanted to eat bacon for breakfast.

Of course, there was an easy way to solve it, but the stupid tragedy of the entire situation was that the longer Ajay hung out in Kyrat, the less he wanted to do it. If he had done it right away, shown Pagan his soulmark and seduced him on day one, he could have easily had him out of the palace before he even knew what Ajay was up to. He probably wouldn't have even fought back, considering the whole “you die, I die” thing. But it didn't feel right.

Because even without the whole soulmark thing, he was still very much attracted to this man and as much as he'd have loved to blame it all on some predestined shit, he can't. Pagan's completely his type. Solani would say it was daddy issues and Jian would just tell him he needed to get laid more often, but it's not that either. The truth is that the moment Ajay met his soulmate, he thought Kyra had done a damn good job.

So he kept playing stupid, pretending he didn't know any of the shit that happened in Kyrat, and wondering how he was supposed to make his move when he wasn't entirely sure what would be the right answer? Hook up with the Golden Path somehow? He probably missed his chance at that when he just hung out at the beginning, eating Crab Rangoon and waiting patiently for Pagan to return. And from what Mom told him, he wasn't convinced that letting a bunch of people who let his dad get as fanatical as he did would be better than the alternative.

It was probably time to let Pagan coax him into blowing something up again and what did that say about him that he was starting to find those day trips genuinely comforting?

Mom was right. Kyrat really does change you.

He just had to figure out how to return the favor.

* * *

There was yelling and gunshots in the depths of the palace.

Wasn't that nostalgic? At least it was dinner this time and Paul was nowhere to be seen.

“Ajay, I'm going to have to insist you remain here,” Pagan said. “Enjoy the food, don't leave your chair, blah blah blah, I'm sure you know the rest.”

How long had it been since he'd first come to Kyrat? Four months now? Five months? It was like being in Vegas – you didn't really notice the passage of time until you walked out, blinking into the sun. “Yeah, fine,” he said. “Have all the fun without me.”

Pagan smiled. “I'll bring you a present,” and then he was off, yelling for a guard while presumably going to get a shit ton of guns or something.

It was a fairly tedious wait, and Ajay was rather relieved when the very nervous chef showed up with another plate of something unidentifiable that Pagan had no doubt fell in love with. There were days when Ajay wished for just a simple fucking cheeseburger, Maybe he'd take over the country just so he could get a decent franchise in it.

There's another burst of gunfire and the sound of footsteps running into the room. Ajay looked up to see a uniformed guard, weapon holstered at his side, looking around wildly.

“Did they come in here yet?”

Ajay kicked his feet back. “No,” he said. “But I think if you're looking for the party, just follow the sound of screams that way.”

“Well, you're not safe here, sir,” the man said. “We need to move you somewhere else.”

“Yeah, that's not happening.” He rolled his eyes. “You know what kind of trouble I'd be in if he came back and I wasn't here?”

“Sir,” the man said. “I don't think--”

Ajay's glance dropped down to the man's side and he shifted his position ever so slightly. “Besides,” he continued casually, “I really think Pagan would be pissed to find out that the Golden Path were able to steal me from right under his nose.”

“Sir...”

“Please. Just don't.” Ajay slipped the knife at his side into his hand.

“Very well,” the guard said, and puts his own hand on the gun. “I really hoped we could have worked with you.”

“You still can,” Ajay said. “We want the same things.”

The man wasn't unattractive and Ajay might have made a pass at him in another life, but the look on his face, one of mingled guilt and resigned determination, is enough to put that thought to bed. “The son of Mohan might have been someone who could lead us. The mate of Pagan is not.”

What the-- “I don't know what you're talking about,” Ajay said, as he sat up a little more.

The man shook his head sadly. “You cannot lie to us.” His glance fell to Ajay's gloved left hand, resting on the table. “We've known for quite some time. If you had not returned--” He closed his eyes, and Ajay saw him take a deep breath. “But you did.”

“If you leave now,” Ajay said quietly, nothing but ice running in his veins, “you might still live.”

“It is too late.” The man took his hand off the gun. “For you and for me.”

Ajay got colder, and then realized it wasn't just the work of nerves. “Fuck,” he said. His hand trembled and his vision swam.

“We guessed you may have had some training,” he said. “If it's any consolation, you shouldn't feel any pain. Pagan, however, deserves everything he gets.”

“It didn't have to end like this,” Ajay said, barely getting the words out. “Mom--”

Mom. I'm really sorry, he thought. I'm not going to fulfill either one of my promises to you.

There was a shot somewhere close to him, deafening, and he can feel the vibrations of shoes running over to him, but then there was nothing.

* * *

Surprisingly, he woke up again, nestled in Pagan's fucking huge bed with a bunch of tubes hooked to him and monitors showing a variety of things he didn't understand. It looked like Pagan would probably have to give Noore or whomever else he blackmailed a big raise for this one.

“Fuck,” he said, as he tried to move. His body ached all over, except for his hand. His ungloved hand, warm in the grip of...

Pagan, who was sitting in a chair, just watching him.

“Honestly, Ajay,” he said. “I can't leave you anywhere.”

“Yeah, I'm a real troublemaker,” Ajay whispered back. “So how long have you known?”

Pagan laughed, a quiet, almost bitter one. “I'm not blind, Ajay, despite what some might believe. You're not nearly trendy enough to pull wearing gloves all day and night as a fashion statement.”

“I could have been someone else's.”

“No,” Pagan said, his smile turning fonder. “You couldn't have.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, holding hands, until Ajay groaned again, trying to shift to a position that didn't hurt. “No, but seriously, did you know when you saw my hand or was it before that?”

“Ajay, as a typical example of your generation, you should know that nothing completely disappears from the internet.”

What did he mean by—fucking Jian. “I asked him to delete it.”

“And I'm sure he did, but not before it was brought to my attention, as well as the delightful murderers that just tried to kill you. Did you really think they were going to give up that opportunity to kill me so easily?”

“It wasn't that easy,” Ajay muttered. “And I've been trying to do the right thing.”

“I know,” Pagan said, kissing his hand. “But you can't take over the country just yet. As you just found out, Kyrat's not going to make it simple for you.”

“I'm not going to--”

Pagan lifts his eyebrows. “Okay, I was,” he said. “At the beginning.”

“Well, you shouldn't give up on that dream,” Pagan said. “When the time is right, you'll overthrow me in a wonderfully spectacular coup and lead this country to peace and love and small children making you flower crowns. Truly your reign will be a golden one.”

“For the love of--”

“And until then, I'll get my hands dirty so you won't have to.”

Fuck that. Ajay straightened himself up in the bed, ignoring his body telling him how stupid that was. “I think you're forgetting something,” he said.

“Oh?”

“We're soulmates.” Ajay took Pagan's hand and kissed it right back. “Your hand is my hand, your blood is my blood, your soul is my soul.”

Pagan rolled his eyes, but he's smiling a real smile that reaches them. “Such a traditionalist. Tell me, did your mother teach you anything else?”

“A few other things,” Ajay said, “but the ones that I want to show to you I had to learn on my own.”

Pagan kissed him on the lips. “Promises, promises.”

Right, Ajay thought. I'll try to make him an honest man, Mom.

Or at least less likely to kill everyone.

* * *

 It turned out that despite being two decades older than Ajay with at least a couple of them spent doing a variety of unhealthy things, Pagan Min's energy was unflagging and kind of impressive.

Ajay tried to catch his breath. “Seriously,” he said, as Pagan's hand traced along his chest, idly stroking a nipple, “did you really think I was just going to be like, oh cool, have fun in exile while I wonder where the fuck you are and pine after you until we both die of heartache?”

Pagan tweaked the nipple and Ajay yelped. “No, Ajay, I was thinking that perhaps you might not want to start your glorious kingship off by reminding people of the tyrant you just overthrew.”

“First off, you overthrew yourself and secondly, we're soulmates. I'm pretty sure the average Kyrat citizen knows at this point that you and I are spiritually married as well as you know, actually married.”

“I have read the stories,” Pagan admitted. “They're sweet. It's rather inspiring to see how you tamed me with the power of love and in some cases, an impressive amount of BDSM.”

“I told you I'm not into that sort of thing.” Ajay slipped his hand further, caressing along Pagan's thigh, making him catch his own breath sharply. “I want to take care of you. Just me.”

“Well, as your subject now, I live to please,” Pagan said, flipping himself on top of Ajay in a smooth move, eyes boring into Ajay's own. “And I intend to please you in every way.”

It turned out that everyone was right. His soulmate would be the death of him.


End file.
